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But a family holiday is surely the nadir. There was nothing I dreaded more as a child than going on holiday with my parents. I expended so much effort the rest of the year in training them to leave me alone with a book, only to see it shattered on the Falmouth rocks on which I was suddenly supposed to go clambering in a delirious excess of beach-induced energy. And this despite the fact that I was born nine-tenths fungal and that the proportion of child to eukaryotic organism was declining by the day.

What you gain in tourism revenue, you will lose on prescriptions for antidepressants and migraine meds required by both generations.